I was a ten-year-old Librarian

Picture this.

Above my dolls and barbies, I had all my favourite books by Beverly Cleary, Judy Blume, and the Nancy Drew series, but I want you to understand they weren't just books on a shelf…I was a ten-year-old Librarian. 

I went full frontal into this. Each book had a sticker and was organized by the Dewey Decimal Classification System. They had a little pocket with a lending card in it and each book was registered in my catalog.  I had a stamp with a date of return. 

I actually use the lending process to my friends who borrowed books from me.  When I leant my book, I had a sign-in-and-out page…the whole shebang.

My mom was a school librarian so I learned from her.  

It's a good memory that's wrapped up in maybe not so good stuff…. because I created my little library, I have been picked on about this my whole life by people within my family and entourage, until recently when women from my soul tribe told me that the story was so freaking cute that I decided to share it.

I look back on this now with some mixed feelings…

I can now see that it was super cute, but I also see it as my coping mechanism.  The short story is my parents were going through a divorce and this gave me control.  There's a longer story to that, but I won't get into that right away.

I was able to handle and control my emotions by controlling my books, which were super important to me.  I knew where those books were and I knew when they were to be returned.  I was very clear on how long you could borrow that book. I’d let you know if there was a fine. 

I was really on it, so I actually had clear boundaries. You may judge it now, but let's be sweet to that person.  It was a defense mechanism mixed in with a love of literature. 

I clearly set my own boundaries and I really dig them now in my life today. 

You see, if I go back to my childhood, it wasn't much fun - of course there were pockets of fun and joy, but not overall.  I grew up in a household full of tension and the only break I could get and could breathe for a minute was when my dad left on a sales trip or if I hid out in my bedroom.

In my bedroom, I felt soothed by organizing and cleaning my personal sacred space so I could control everything in my room - which in reality, I was trying to control my emotions.

I needed to feel safe and so I was super, super organized and everything had to be just so, in such a way that instead of playing, I spent hours cleaning my room.  It was the cleanest and tidiest of all the kids, but it was because of all the stress that I couldn’t handle.

So, to cope with my parents' disintegrating marriage that was leading to divorce, I created a library in my room to organize all my books that I cherished. I loved to read as I could escape everything I was living.  

So maybe you can relate to my little girl’s story?  

Maybe you lived through your parents’ divorce with coping mechanisms of your own. 

Maybe it was another version of this, but I’d love to work with her, and you, to get you back to living your life on your own terms today.

If you enjoyed this article, I invite you to join my free Facebook community called Becoming Your Authentic Self to get more tips and support as a recovering (or soon-to-be) people-pleaser.